I feel so hopeful tonight and have a few thoughts to share. I don’t think I have time to fully explore them all – maybe those will have to be followups.
I have had sadness, but sadness has its place. I thought of it tonight as one of the petals on a flower. It’s necessary to create the whole. Anger is another petal. Joy is another petal. Fear is a petal. What would the other one be? I see it this way with God at the flower’s center. So, while I have been revolting at my pain and pushing it away, it’s part of what makes me whole and beautiful and real and complete.
I have so much to do and so far to go, but tonight I am feeling peaceful that it all will come together.
My choosing to edge my way toward not drinking is clarity, not cloudedness. It’s not darkness. It’s light. I believe that it is bad because i choose to believe the lies that we as a society tell ourselves and each other. But when push comes to shove, not drinking is clarity and light.
And i wrote my mission statement tonight at my soul group and here is what it was:
With God, I cocreate a world of light, clarity and love by loving, embracing, listening and making space.
That doesn’t really have room for drinking – drinking is cloudy and dark and closed off. I know that I tend to be closed off. As much as I hate the characteristic of being closed off in other people, I am seeing it A LOT in myself. I’m not proud of that, but I know that awareness is key. And I feel excited about the prospect of clarity, love, light and embracing others. Excitement is not an emotion, but the closest thing to it is joy.
So, with that I’m going to go to sleep. It’s been a hard day and a great evening. I’m signing off with peace.