Friday Night

So, here I am.  It’s Friday after work.  I know I should be celebrating, but I’m a bit worried for the evening.  Wait – when I say it that way, I realize its absurdity.  I am not worried for the weekend.  I know exactly what I want.  Good catch, me.

OK, so I have been listening to a ton of books about not drinking.  And it’s had the desired “brainwashing” effect.  And that isn’t bad.  But listening to these books has made me feel like I need to follow the same path as these people or I am failing.  Yet, I know, without a shadow of a doubt (or is it beyond a shadow of a doubt?) that that is not true.  I know that failure is relative.  And I know also that change, successful change, comes from incremental changes.  I know that I am able to successfully accomplish incremental changes.  I know it.  I am beyond certain that I am able to become a minimal drinker.  So, I know it.  And I’m writing it here.

So, right now.  Tonight.  I will tell you what I did – got home, thinking about having a drink.  Blah.  I did NOT have a drink, but instead I had a piece of toast (OK, that was in order to take the probiotics I forgot to take this morning – and it required food), a handful of stale tortilla chips and two bites of peanut butter.  Sinful?  No.  Kinda sad.  Sure.  And now, I’m writing this blog.  And I am planning my drinks for this evening.  So, what does this mean for my success as a minimalist drinker?  Well, interesting thought.

I know that I don’t have to fit a mold to be healthy, but I know that I need to change some things.

  1. First change required is to enjoy myself regardless of the drinks.  For many, many years, I adhered to the philosophy of no more than 2 drinks on any given night.  And that seemed extremely reasonable to me.  Extremely reasonable.  So, how did I reach a point where 2 drinks would be my warmup, followed by about half a dozen more?  I mean, I maintained my 2 drink limit, give or take a very few rare occasions, for a decade.  And my fall into the abyss of drinking was abnormal.

I’m sure this sounds like a rationality and, trust me, I’m onto myself.  However, another very important fact that I know about myself is this:  If I go drastic, it will not stick for long.  The real world calls.  I do know that if I feel forbidden, then I will rebel.  If I think that I’m picking, then I will pick wisely.  My concern, as I remind myself, is to pick wisely even when my fiance does not.    And that is why I started this blog to begin with.  I do not want to end up in the middle of marriage number 2 realizing that I can’t stand all the drinking.  That was the root of this blog – thanks for the reminder, me. 🙂

You know, now that I consider it, that is a big first change.  Enjoy myself regardless of drinks – meaning enjoy myself without drinking.  This is life.  And life is more than drinking.  I will enjoy myself immensely tonight and I will have exactly 2 drinks.  One beer right now?  Hmmmm…….should I?  And one margarita later on in the evening.  After dinner.  I actually would probably prefer two margaritas tonight, but I think it’s wiser to do this now.  Or would it be better to just have that one single margarita?  Or nothing?  Why plan everything?  I could leave it to chance.  OK, so here goes #2:

2.  I will not spend all of my time thinking about drinking.  I will enjoy my life immensely and if drinking is taking up too much of it, then I will zap it.  I do see a lot of non-drinkers thinking about it a lot.  I desperately want the positive effects of not drinking – enough so, that that is worth it.  Trust me, this is a new phase for me.  A time of transition.  A time of growth.  And to that end, I will not spend my time constantly writing (whining) about drinking.  I will not do that.  I will enjoy all that I have to enjoy.  And enjoy the amazing growth that I’m experiencing right now.  Being pickled in alcohol not only kills it for tonight, but it also kills it for tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that.

I am not much of a drinker.  So, it might not be true right now, but it will be with time.  Mark my words.

And off I go to my night.

 

 

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